Why oh why oh am I quoting nursery rhymes that blow?
Because I’m in South Bend for a wedding and the last time I was out of town with family Brady didn’t know what down it was and I was unable to get out an analysis. But, it’s opening day after a championship year and my cousin took me to the bar Rudy was trying to pick up women in. I can’t promise this’ll be the most spectacular write up, but the fat asshole lineman… Pete, started chanting Ichy, Ichy, Ichy, until it caught on and before I knew it everyone was calling for me to get in there. So, I’ll run my happy ass on to the field and for one play and get out one “like” where I don’t screw things up. Then, I’ll try and run off and the coaches like Rocker will tell me to stay in. So, I get one last shot in, some epic one-liner like Shaq Barrett’s sack on Dak and get carried off the field in legendary glory. I use my likability to create Ichy-ade sports drink, and because I know this board loves spam I hype it up like they’re amazing t-shirts. It sucks and is failing, but I’ll make up Amazon-like numbers so people invest, I’ll take that money and make a pretty lucrative living, so I thank you all in advance.
Likes:
1.) For those that don’t know I’m in the board’s fantasy league and I had some issues logging in this year at the start and auto drafted Ezekiel Elliot. The pain and pleasure of watching teams not even trying to run on us was ever present last night.
2.) The foresight to call up Jayden Mickens and Andrew Adams before the game.
3.) This is the game that convinced me to be one of the assholes that want Tom Brady to play until he’s fifty.
4.) Antonio Brown looks like a 21 year old rookie out there. Literally, what’d he do shave?
5.) Chris Godwin is like Jameis Winston to me… in this write up at least. I want to put him on the likes, but the dude almost cost us the game and also deserves to be on the dislikes. Because we won, Chris stays here.
6.) So, we can’t call Vita Vea the Fridge, but can we call him the Deep Freeze?
7.) Rob Gronkowski catching a TD pass with his back up against Chris Godwin. A true butt pirate moment.
8.) Ali Marpet unsung hero of the game.
Dislikes:
1.) Dak Prescott looked great continuing the trend that backup quarterbacks always look phenomenal against us.
2.) To allow the refs to focus on taunting calls this year apparently they’re going to stop calling holding calls on offensive linemen.
3.) It’s a Bucs Life moment: Debate the entire off-season about whether we keep Ke’Shawn Vaughn because of his fumblitis and in Week 1 RoJo puts one on the ground while Fournette allows a ball to bounce off him for an INT.
4.) Devin White needs to stop horsing around.
Random:
1.) LOL on the Dallas defense getting a turnover and running to the back of the endzone like it’s 2020 thinking there’s a camera and giant video monitor to record their “hilarious” celebration.
2.) Anyone else pick up on Al Michaels complementing Greg Zuerlein’s onside kick against Atlanta last year? Like the kick itself was amazing.
3.) Fact-checkers needed. Mike Tirico is taller than Drew Brees.
Not the prettiest win at all, the defense was frustrating as hell, but last year we didn’t win the opener, and in 2003 after our first Super Bowl win, we looked unstoppable, so what does this really mean in the grand scheme of things? Not much. But, lets remember for a second that 2003 year. A blocked extra point ruined Gramatica’s career, we purposely forget about a game as a fanbase because Peyton Manning embarrassed us, Tim Wansley, Jurevicius and Alstott collide to end their seasons, Keyshawn get deactivated and replaced with some dude named Charles Lee, this emboldens McCardell to half ass it until he gets WR1 money. 2003 was ego driven and horrible, I don’t see that in 2021, and for that I take this nail-biting win as a good thing.
Alright, I wasn’t able to take notes or formulate the jokes like usual, but I’ll be back next week, gotta be a Bears fan Sunday night for the family. Go Bucs!
